When it’s not the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

The holidays can be hard for many of us, myself included. This last week, for me, has proven to be very difficult. I’m trying to keep my head above the waters of responsibility, gifts, and my own mental well being. It’s proving to be more difficult than I thought it would be. My care routine has been put to the test this week in ways that it hasn’t yet.

A little backstory

So, why is this time of year hard for me? Like many of you, I lost family members this time of year, and that alone has caused the holiday season to be hard on me. Add to that, five years in retail, and then the picture becomes that much more clear.

And then, you have the stuff that most people don’t. Seven years ago, this time of year brought with it my worst period of my life. A month after Christmas Eve, I attempted to take my life. (That story can be read here.)

The Christmas season and the abyss beyond it always seems to bring the trauma of that fateful day with it.


Some of us have a real issue with this time of year, and that’s okay. For some of us, Christmas brings with it boundaries, familial drama, loss, loneliness, anxiety, and depression. For many of us, hearing “It’s the most wonderful time of the year” sung over and over and over again makes us ashamed that we don’t think that. People wonder why we are so down. I mean, “It’s Christmas after all! Don’t be a grinch!

But we’re not. We have needs at this time of year that others don’t. We sometimes need to take a step back. Maybe from others and maybe from even ourselves. I know, for me, if I’m left alone with my thoughts for too long, it leads to no place good. So I have to be out and about much of the time. For you, it may look different.

The point is, if this time of year is hard for you, if you don’t like the holidays, that’s okay. You’re allowed to not like them. You’re allowed to hate them even. It’s okay, you’re not going to combust into a pile of red and green glitter and twinkle lights.

Do what you need to do to get through.

Breathe. Just breathe.

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